Clarity and Harmony

I am filled with so much excitement! I am living one dream and continuing to create, allow, and manifest another, bigger vision that this dream is a part of! I am living in San Francisco…this is something that I have been dreaming about since last summer. And this is one piece of a bigger vision of bringing forth my gifts to the world and being of service. And really…this bigger vision is me playing FULL OUT in MY life!

Taking risks, being bold, being willing to say THIS IS WHAT I WANT and asking for it, being able to place my stake in the ground and claim THIS IS MY LIFE! And being willing to choose, day after day, moment after moment, the inner talk and outer actions that align together to birth myself and birth this greater vision.

That is a great image…birthing myself and my vision…birthing myself into the GREATER VISION that awaits me. That life is already there, just waiting to be lived. And my “job” is to “get out of my own way” so that I can just allow this into form.

I picked two angel cards this morning…”Clarity” and “Harmony”…

I have the clarity of a vision…working with women, empowering women, reaching large circles of women with my voice, my message of moving through our pain and into our power…

That clear vision is what inspires and informs my day-to-day actions and choices.

That clear vision invites me to be in harmony with myself…invites me to be congruent…for when my inner and outer worlds are aligned I just flow…and am carried by the bigger movement in my life.

I am committed to the small steps that are required to manifest my BIG VISION. Step by step, day by day, choice by choice…my COMMITMENT to my VISION is greater than any circumstances that could arise. I have placed my stake in the ground and claimed my life and my commitment. I am clear and in harmony. YES!

No Room for the Old Stories

So here I am in my new life and guess who hitchhiked a ride into it? All the old stories that I call, “blah-blah-blah”, or “fear-anxiety-doubt”.

You know Ram Dass’ statement of “Wherever you go, there you are.”?

Well lo and behold, that is exactly what I have been discovering. Here I am in SF with the same old stories from the past.

However, I also am here in SF with a renewed commitment to living my greatest life, to embodying my power and radiating my essence, to growing my practice and building a rich and multi-dimensional life for myself filled with all the people and activities and things that I love. Yes – I am committed to this!

And in my new home and new life in SF I have a choice…am I going to continue to allow “fear-anxiety-doubt” to plague my existence? They feel like an iron shackle thrown across my back, tightening on my head, squeezing down on my shoulders, virtually closing me off from my heart, my breath, and the opportunity to be in the divine flow.They keep me striving and efforting, trying to move forward feeling the pressure of all these hands on my back…telling me I need to do more and be more in order to survive.

OR, am I going to choose a new way?

This new way requires trust…and faith…in myself and the universe.

This new way opens me up to the divine flow, to the “a-ha’s” that come when I am tapped into my Source.

This new way allows me to be in balance with my yin-yang energies.

This new way increases my capacity to embody and radiate my power and my essence.

I choose a new way. This is the way I have been living my life, this is the way that brought me here to SF,  and I choose to continue this way…coming from Source, trusting in the goodness of myself and the Universe, and ENJOYING my existence! This is what I choose.

It is a choice I will get to make again and again and again. Everytime I hear those old voices of fear-doubt-anxiety I will get to remember the choice I am making. The choice of embodied-power, of trust.

Again and again I say YES to my fullness, to my power, to the richness of this one precious life that I get to call my own! YES!

Love Love Love

It is a day devoted to celebrating love in our lives! Oh, what a blessing!

What do you love? Who do you love?

Here is what I love–

myself, my family, my friends, my newly forming communities, my circles of women that I (used to) sit with;

places – San Francisco, Boulder, Colorado, the StarHouse, Chautauqua, NY, Mount Tam, Sanitas, and so many more;

things – my special mug that I drink my mate tea out of almost every morning; the Golden Gate Bridge that I see out of my bedroom window; my bed; the lights that hang in my windows and the candles that spread their light; my incense; my dark blue blanket that I wrap around myself as I write;

and so much more…

Let’s share our love with our families, our communities, our world…let love prevail!

The yin and the yang

I have been exploring this theme of the yin and the yang. When I get out of balance my body wisdom brings me back home. I feel strong emotions without a story and they flow through me, releasing the built up tension in my body that has accumulated from being out of balance. And how beautiful that my body wisdom communicates to me in this way. The tears and exhaustion call me within which is exactly where I need to go. They are the guide to returning home to myself, to the quiet still center within where I replenish, where I listen, where I tune into my greater wisdom.

This is where I see the bigger vision for my life, and gain clarity on how to move forward. And my practice is to continue moving forward in greater balance with myself. Learning from this experience of “hitting an inner wall” and bringing more of the yin practices back into my daily life to find that dynamic balance. Journaling, journeying, meditating, laying on my couch and just gazing out the window…allowing myself to feel how I am held and supported by the greater current of life…

This is another big edge that I am exploring in life right now. I have spent so much of my life striving and efforting to survive. There has been a story line that I needed to work hard(er) in order for anything to get done, in order to get what I needed, in order to survive. I am done with this story and let it go with thanks. It has served me to a point in life, and it serves me no longer.

There is a new way forward that I have been experiencing and now choose to surrender to whole-heartedly and consciously. This new way forward taps into my immense trust and faith in the universe. I believe the universe is a friendly place. I believe that I deserve the abundance and enjoyment in my life that I know is possible. I know that complete joy comes when I surrender and trust in the greater purpose and momentum of my life.

This strikes a balance of inspired action…when my action comes from this deep place of wisdom, I tap into the flow of my life…there is no need to effort, just the need to get out of my own way so I can flow.

And I am realizing too that when there are obstacles and a sense of stillness to that flow, that isn’t a sign of something is wrong or I have done something wrong or I am not listening. These are the obstacles that hold a mirror up to me to see where I am, what I am choosing, and provide the opportunity to learn something more about myself and my choices.

Like this past week. I was flowing in my new life in San Fran feeling happy and enthusiastic. Big energies to match the big new circumstances of my life to match the big commitment to growing my practice and my new life here. And then I hit this inner wall on Wednesday and felt exhausted and filled with tears. I just needed to release all that I had been carrying, all the striving and efforting that I had been putting into creating my new life here.

What a gift this has been for me. I paused to tune into this experience and as a result gained insight into this call for balance, this call for the yin, this opportunity to choose differently as I move forward. Letting go of effort, I embrace inspired action. Letting go of fear, I embrace trust. Letting go of the old forms I embrace the unknown and the possibilities in this new life that is still forming. I am the caterpillar who has released her old form and am slowing taking shape as the butterfly I know myself to be.

Yes Yes Yes!

I love San Francisco!

I am so happy to be in San Francisco! I am in love with the City already and I have only been here 5 days! I feel enchanted with everything about it! I am happy to be living in a neighborhood where I feel safe. I can walk out my door and in just a few blocks feel the heart of the ‘hood with cafes and restaurants and PEOPLE! This is such a far cry from the isolation I felt in my little nest in rural Sebastopol. I am so happy to be surrounded by so many people and by so many possibilities for my new life!

I am in love with the Golden Gate Bridge. I can see part of it out my bedroom window. I love this.

I go for jogs in the morning in Golden Gate Park and love the many options for trails and paths I can take.

There is so much to explore, so much newness, so many options.

I drove around in the rain the other night to find this “magical castle” that I can see from my home at night…it is all lit up and I am enchanted by it. I drove till I found it last night…St. Ignatius…I love it!

I rode on the Muni train for the first time the other day and as I was stepping onto the train I connected with a woman. We traded compliments and spent the entire ride talking. By the time I got off the train at my stop I had made a new friend and we had traded phone numbers.

I feel like I have walked into community here…something I have been craving for the past year and a half. I feel so grateful for the people that have surfaced in my new life here…new friends, old friends…coming together in such a delicious way.

I feel grateful for the training I am in to grow my practice. I am receiving the support and tools I need to really THRIVE…I feel so enlivened by the daily practices and weekly check-ins that are part of this.

I feel held by a greater Source in all of this…I feel absolutely held and nourished by my Source. There is a flow in my life that I am just surrendering to and I am so happy to feel this support, this unconditional support and presence in my life. This is exactly where I need to be. And I have been guided to be here and continue to feel that guidance showing up in my life in powerful and palpable ways.

I am so grateful and so in love with this new life of mine. Amen! A-ho! Yippee!

Day of Dream Fulfillment

It is Moving Day!

There is forward movement fueled by a momentum greater than myself. There is no hesitation. There is only inspired action and a deep sense of rightness with all of this. Right relationship with myself. Right relationship with the Divine. Right action in moving to the City. I feel a deep sense of alignment with this move.

This move was motivated from within, from a desire to embody my full power, manifest my visions, and believe in the abundance and goodness of life.

I have needed to BECOME all of this in order to CREATE this CHANGE in my life.

I became the LEADER that I was looking for.

I became the VOICE of AUTHORITY in my own life.

YES YES YES! I say YES to LIFE! YES!

The house is almost empty of all my belongings. The truck is outside and packed up, waiting to go.

This home that I have been in has been a touchstone for me. A place to hatch my dreams and prepare for the journey ahead. It has been my respite and my nourishment. My nest. Thank you sweet space for all the ways you have been home to me.

And the home I am moving to is so beautiful, with a view of the GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE out my bedroom window! How perfect is this?

I feel supported by my allies, in all realms. I feel surrounded by love and sparkles! I move forward with grace and confidence…I have asked for this, I have called this in, now I get to LIVE THIS DREAM FULLY! YES!

Knowing When to Dwell and When to Decide

I think I have found my new home in SF. I know I have found my new home…I just haven’t confirmed the details yet. I am so excited! This also takes me further out on my edge for it is making this move more real. Just like on January 1st when I walked the bridge…that edge of excitement and terror. I am here, again, on that edge now. So I know this territory. I know how scary it can be to stretch out beyond the old life form and begin to embody the new. AHHHHHH!

And how necessary it is for me to draw upon my deep knowingness that this is right…this movement is my destiny, this path way is drawing me forward, towards my greater “becoming”. And I draw courage and confidence from this deep knowing.

Exploring all possibilities…I am so excited that I kept exploring possibilities…even when I thought I had found the possible new home for myself that felt good – I felt excited about it. What spurred me on to keep looking? The feeling that I was attached to that outcome, to the one egg in my basket. And I have learned my lesson about that in the past…do not put all my eggs in one basket…explore all options… And so, while I feel absolutely excited about this find, this new home, there is a part of me that wonders – wait – shall I dwell in possibilities longer? What if another opportunity comes along that would be even greater? What if what if what if?

So the hesitation to say yes draws from these two streams of wanting to see if something even better comes along and the edge it draws me closer to in the REALITY of living my dream. I can hang out with all of this. And then there comes a time when a decision needs to be made…I can continue to dwell in possibilities for other situations, for other times…for now, a decision needs to be made regarding the immediate future…where will I live in February?

And the streams that have me hesitating now converge, in my awareness of them, to fuel a wholehearted YES about where I choose to live in San Francisco. I feel the YES in my body. YES!  I have found a place that meets my criteria and I will say YES to this wholeheartedly and draw comfort from knowing that all of this journey is a progression. This is the next step. There is room and space and ample opportunity to continue to explore other options as that becomes appealing to me to do so.

In the meantime – YES to exploring possibilities and knowing WHEN to make a decision!